Message from God: book 1/138
You make it sound as if holding onto a relationship means it’s been a success. Try not to confuse longevity with a job well done. Remember, your job one the planet is not to see how long you can stay in relationship. It’s to decide and experience, Who You Really Are.
This is not an argument for short-term relationships, yet neither is there a requirement for long-term ones.
Still, while there is no such requirement, this much should be said: long-term relationships do hold remarkable opportunity for mutual growth, mutual expression, and mutual fulfillment, and that has its own reward.
First, make sure you get into relationship for the right reasons. (I’m using the word “right” here as a relative term. I mean “right” relative to the larger purpose you hold in your life.)
As I have indicated before, most people still enter relationships for the “wrong” reasons: to end loneliness, fill a gap, bring themselves love, or someone to love, and those are some of the better reasons. Others do so to salve their ego, end their depressions, improve their sex life, recover from a previous relationship, or, believe it or not, to relieve boredom.
None of these reasons will work, and unless something dramatic changes along the way, neither will the relationship.
I don’t think you know why you entered your relationships. I don’t think you thought about it in this way. I don’t think you entered your relationships purposefully. I think you entered your relationships because you “fell in love.”
And I don’t think you stopped to look at why you “fell in love.” What was it to which you were responding? What need, or set of needs, was being fulfilled?
For most people, love is a response to need fulfillment.
Everyone has needs. You need this, another needs that. You both see in each other a chance for need fulfillment. So you agree, tacitly, to a trade. I’ll trade you what I’ve got if you’ll give me what you’ve got.
It’s a transaction. But you don’t tell the truth about it. You don’t say, “I’ll trade you very much.” You say, “I love you very much,” and then the disappointment begins.
Fall in love with as many people as you like, but if you’re going to form a lifelong relationship with them, you may want to add a little thought.
On the other hand, if you enjoy going through relationships like water, or, worse yet, staying in one because you think you “have to,” then living a life of quiet desperation; if you enjoy repeating these patterns from your past, keep right on doing what you’ve been doing.
That’s the problem with truth. The truth is relentless. It won’t leave you alone. It keeps creeping up on you from every side, showing you what’s really so.
Be sure you and your mate agree on purpose. If you both agree at a conscious level that the purpose of your relationship is to create an opportunity, not an obligation, an opportunity for growth, for full Self expression, for lifting your lives to their highest potential, for healing every false thought or small idea you ever had about you, and for ultimate reunion with God through the communion of your two souls; if you take that vow instead of the vows you’ve been taking, the relationship has begun on a very good note. It’s gotten off on the right foot; that’s a very good beginning.
Know and understand that there will be challenges and difficult times.
Don’t try to avoid them. Welcome them. Gratefully. See them as grand gifts from God; glorious opportunities to do what you came into the relationship, and life, to do.
Try very hard not to see your partner as the enemy, or the opposition, during these times.
In fact, seek to see no one, and nothing, as the enemy, or even the problem. Cultivate the technique of seeing all problems as opportunities. Opportunities to be, and decide, Who You Really Are.